I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
