Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
