addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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