Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
