She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
