He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
