checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
