Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
