I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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