thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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