She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
