I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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