i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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