i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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