East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
