***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
