I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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