I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
