You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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