No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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