i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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