her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
