Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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