Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need a burrito and a hug.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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