apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
