Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
