Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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