I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
