Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
