things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
