so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
