Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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