so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
