i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
