This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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