My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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