I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
