you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
