I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
