my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
