You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
