my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
