Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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