An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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