your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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