I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't put those talents on a resume
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
