he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
