I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
