i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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