she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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