You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
