If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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