I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
