I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
