There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I believe in your delicious
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
