hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
