So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
