Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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