Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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