so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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