this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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