1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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