Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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