She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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