it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
