I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
