The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
