He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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