i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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