So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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