Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
